Tale 11 - DJ Dave

On the journey to school, the Sassy Princess and the Prince of Tales decided they would like a tale. They particularly like tales from my younger days,  so I decided to tell them one of my hospital tales.

From yesterdays tale, you will know I had a serious leg injury playing football. I had an emergency operation, but it was unsuccessful. The following day, the Consultant told me the bad news that I would have to wear a calliper all my life and think about a career change.

The tale starts just after I received that bad news. I was lying in my bed on a ward at the Bradford Royal Infirmary. 

The ward was very old school. A massive ward with about 20 beds, 10 in a line on one side and 10 on the other. I am forever grateful for this. If I had been on my own in a single room I think I would have struggled. The fun I had on this ward, even at such a low time, certainly helped my mindset.

My mind was racing. What would I do? Will I have to get an office job?

I didn’t have long to dwell on my problems. A man walked in the ward and approached my bed. He nodded his head towards me.

“Hello, would you mind if I talked to you?”

I would have said the man was in his 50s or 60s. His clothes were very colourful but he had the manner of a vicar or a priest. Who he was soon became clear.

“ My name is DJ Dave and I am a disc jockey on Radio Royal!”

Radio Royal was the hospital radio. Hospital radio was very big in the 80s, and every bed had special headphones so you could tune in!

“ How are you feeling Richard?” asked DJ Dave

Truth was not great, but I was not ready for a big conversation yet.

“I’m Ok, broke my leg pretty badly. How are you DJ Dave.”

Dave nodded. He was very proud of his DJ role it was plain to see.

“I’m sorry to hear that Richard, but I’m  groovy Richard, groovy! This afternoon at 2pm I have my show. It’s called DJ Dave in the afternoon. Would you like me to spin you a disc.”

DJ Dave was coming across like “Smashie and Nicey” from the Harry Enfield show (If that means nothing google it) but he was obviously a nice man, maybe pretending to be a little younger than he was.

“Well” I said “ Do you have ‘Digging Your Scene’ by the Blow Monkeys?”

The Blow Monkeys were my favourite group. DJ Dave looked blank.

“ I have the Monkees” he said.

 I shook my head.

“Ok, what about ‘Looking for Linda’ by Hue and Cry?” I asked

Again I received a blank look from DJ Dave. At this stage I realised that DJ Dave and his afternoon show was probably from his era- the 50s and 60s. To save him I put in a very general request.

“If you can play me anything from the charts DJ Dave that would be great.”

DJ Dave’s face lit up.

“ My daughter has given me a few current smash hits so I’ll be sure to play one for you. Look after yourself Richard and stay cool.”

I nodded to DJ Dave. I would do my best.

At 2pm I tuned into Royal Radio, just in time for DJ Dave. Unbelievably, I was the first request!

“ Good afternoon listeners, and welcome to DJ Dave at 2. I have been touring the hospital asking for requests and met Richard today. He is a lovely boy but is struggling with bad legs. He wanted a chartbuster so here it is Richard, the latest from The Proclaimers,  Groovy!”

As the song started, I burst out laughing which made everyone stare at my bed. Either DJ Dave was a comedy genius, or, and more likely, he had never listened to the song. A song with the lyrics ‘I would walk 500 miles’ may not be appropriate for a patient with bad legs.

I could not stop laughing and I started to sing. All the patients and nurses now staring at my bed.

Some of the patients put their headphones on. They joined in. They pointed at me singing “You could walk 500 miles and you could walk 500 more!” I think a lot knew the serious nature of my injury,  and the kindness shown to cheer me up was heart warming. 

A magical moment at a dark time, but it definitely helped.

The Sassy Princess smiled. She knew the song and could see the irony.

The Prince of Tales thought a little more about it before responding.

“ That would be like if you were poor and the DJ played ‘If I had a million dollars’ wouldn’t it?”

“Yes.” I responded 

“That would be like being shot with a gun and the DJ playing ‘Shotgun’ wouldn’t it?”

“Yes.” I responded

“That would be like wanting a woman and the DJ playing ‘I’m Your Man’ wouldn’t it?”

It was clear that The Prince of Tales was going to go through all the 269 songs on the Spotify playlist with his take on this.

Fortunately I saw a magpie! 

Have you ever been in a funny situation where someone as quite innocently been inappropriate towards you ? Let me know.