Tale 12 - The Three Bears

 In my first few weeks of being a House Husband, the Sassy Princess and the Prince of Tales were obsessed with joke books. If we went to a pound shop, the first thing they would look for is a bumper book full of very bad jokes.

They then spent ages asking me the jokes to see if I knew the punchline. They were amazed how many bad jokes I knew. This was down to four main things;

1 I’m old.

2Sad jokes in Christmas Crackers 

3 When I was a child ice lollies had jokes on them and I ate lots of them!

4 I’ve hosted numerous music and dance shows as a teacher and had to research old jokes! 

My children were amazed with my immense joke knowledge. For example,

“What do you call something in the sky that wobbles?” said the Prince of Tales

“ A jellycopter.” I replied.

The Prince of Tales gulps with amazement 

“What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?” Said the Sassy Princess.

“ You’re to young to smoke” I answered.

The Sassy Princess is open mouthed.

The testing of my joke knowledge was a favourite topic for a long time. That was until the Sassy Princess one morning on the way to school asked “ Dad, what is your favourite joke?”

One joke immediately came into my head. It was a bit cheeky, but I remember how funny I thought it was when I was their age. I decided to tell them it!

The Three Bears  are on an aeroplane going on their holidays. All of a sudden, the pilot announces the plane is about to crash! There are only two parachutes on board! Daddy Bear grabs a parachute and jumps out of the plane. Mummy Bear then grabs a parachute and jumps out the plane. They both land, and after a few seconds they realise Baby Bear is sat next to them.

“How did you get here?” Daddy Bear asked Baby Bear.

Baby Bear replied “ Me not daft, me not silly, me hang on to my dad’s willy!”

The Sassy Princess and the Prince of Tales screamed with laughter. I thought initially it may be sarcasm, but no, it was genuine screams of laughter. I had to tell it again, and again, and again! As they went into school they were clearly still buzzing from the brilliant joke!

That afternoon at the end of school, the Prince of Tales ran to me.

“Dad, I have told all my friends your willy joke!”

“Oh” I replied. “It’s not that good really and talking about rude body parts not something we should talk about at school.”

“ It’s a bit late dad. I told all my friends about your great joke and they thought it was brilliant! They are going to tell their parents. I shared it in class. I told my teacher and the Headteacher. Don’t worry though I gave you the credit for it!”

I looked up. Every child was talking to their parents or careers. Harry’s class teacher smiled at me. The Heateacher nodded in my direction.”

“Was there anyone you did not tell?” I asked.

“ Well I missed the caretaker but luckily I found him before the end of school.”

I quickly got the children out of the school yard and inppto the car. I could feel the glare of disapproving parents.

I did not think my image could get any worse. 

I was wrong.

That night, I was putting the Prince of Tales to bed. He asked, for the 300th time that day, to tell him the Three Bears joke.

“ I will, but don’t tell it at school again. It’s a bit rude.” I pleaded.

“ I won’t dad, but everyone knows it now anyway!” Said the Prince of Tales.

I told him the joke again. When I completed it, he hugged me and whispered in my ear;

“Daddy, if mummy me and you were on a plane with only two parachutes, what would you do?”

I looked the Prince of Tales in the eye. “ I would make sure you and mummy got them.”

The Prince of Tales grabbed me tightly, then looked into my eyes and said sadly;

“Thanks Daddy, I was worried as I don’t think your willy would be big enough for me to grab hold of.”

He went to sleep happy. I went to sleep with my reputation in tatters and size issues!!

Have your children ever embarrassed you? Let us know if it’s printable!