Tale 8 - Hook a Duck Karma

 Birthdays have changed a lot over the years. When I was a child, it usually meant three or four birthday cards with a fiver in, and if you were lucky a birthday tea which your best friend and ONLY your best friend attended. Of course there was a cake, but it was not a special birthday one! It was usually a cheap Morrisons Victoria Sponge with the appropriate number of candles on. It never got eaten, as siblings and best friend all wanted to blow the candles out, leaving a layer of saliva on the cake with the usual cream and jam. 

The cards were nice, but you know it was a fiver inside. That was unless someone had slipped a £5 WH Smith’s book voucher instead. I think the voucher senders thought they were clever, showing both initiative and a care for education. Truth was WH Smiths was the most expensive shop in town, so you could buy very little. The voucher went in a drawer, sometimes never seen again!

Nowadays, birthdays are a much bigger deal. It’s now not a birthday but a birthday weekend! This usually  falls on the nearest weekend and involves two days of festivities with a large group of friends or family. Having more children than the old women who lived in a shoe, I have experienced lots of different parties with the friends of my children - Cinemas, Theme Parks, Spas, Sports Centres, Play areas, etc. 

July 2022 saw the 8th birthday weekend of the Prince of Tales. After much thought, he decided that he wanted to go with his sister and cousins to Lightwater Valley.

It cost over £100 to get in, so I was keen the children went on everything! However, I did not realise there were still some stalls and activities you still had to pay for! As usual, that’s what my children immediately drifted towards with their  “ Childcatcher” sense of the smell of expense! 

I guided them away to all the “FREE” fairground rides. The Log Flume, Pirate Ship, the Little Dipper etc. Everyone was happy, especially me as I was not spending, and as dinner time approached we decided to go to the outdoor cafe area. It was then they saw it.

6“Look dad” said the Sassy Princess. “Hook a Duck!”

Even in Lightwater Valley I could not escape. The children ran to the stall.

There were two pieces of good news;

1 All the stalls and rides at Lightwater Valley it seems are staffed by the Ripon 6th form community. Most of them are teenagers who look like The Harry Enfield characters Kevin and Perry. They just stand there and say nothing except “3 pounds Mrs Patterson” if you ask the price, so at least there is no hard sell!

2 The prizes were not the usual stereotyped housewife gifts for girls (Dollies, Irons, etc) or serial killer gifts for boys (guns, grenades, anti tank missiles) However the prize  was still crap. A cheap stuffed duck worth at the very tops 50p. 

I felt strong. I would not be beaten. I guided the children away. There was screaming, shouting , tears, distress. The Sassy Princess kept saying how much she loved the cute little ducks. 

But I am strong. I took them away. Two minutes later all seemed normal. I am legend!

At the end of the day, we went to the Adventure Playground so the children could play until Lightwater Valley closed. I sat there with the rest of the family with a nice coffee, happy with my days work.

It was then that the Sassy Princess and the Prince of Tales approached me with all the other children with what looked like an old yellow rag and some white stuffing. She was holding the yellow rag in two fingers in front of her body,

“ Dad, look what I found.”

“What the chuff is that.” I enquired.

“It’s one of the yellow ducks from the Hook a Duck stall. Someone has ripped it and taken nearly all the stuffing out. 

“It looks really sad.” Said the Sassy Princess and the Prince of Tales.

I could see the pleading in their eyes. 

“ Don’t worry” I said tenderly “ I will take it home and repair it.”

The Sassy Princess looked at me like I was mad. But I am a house husband. I have seen the repair shop! I know the affect repairing a treasured item can have!

I packed the ripped duck and the bits of stuffing in a bag. When we got home, I went to the pound shop and bought a sewing kit! 

Textiles and Food Technology are key subjects taught in school nowadays. When I was at school it was more unusual, but we we were taught cooking and sewing. The ladybird I carefully made in 1981 was the experience I needed to save this duck!

I threaded the needle, and tied a little knot at the end of the thread. I re stuffed the duck, but it still looked thin. All I could find was a pair of my new socks which became the replacement stuffing. I began to repair. When the stitching was complete, I had no scissors so I  used my teeth to cut the thread. When my nose got near the duck I got a whiff of an unpleasant smell?? I got some deodorant and sprayed it on to sort that out! 

I have to say it, I was very proud of my work.

I proudly shouted the Sassy Princess and the Prince of Tales downstairs.

In true “Repair Shop” style, I revealed the repaired Duck.

I did not get the reaction I expected.

“ Oh right” said the Sassy Princess. 

“ What is it” said the Prince of Tales.

“It’s the duck we found near the poo.” Said the Sassy Princess.

“Poo!” I exclaimed. “ What poo?”

“ We don’t know if it was dog poo, maybe cat poo. It could have been bear poo as it was in the woods.” Said the Prince of Tales.

“ Not what I meant” I exclaimed, “ I mean why did you pass something to me that was lying by or near poo without telling me?”

The Sassy Princess looked straight at me.

“Dad, we thought you would feel guilty if we picked up a beaten up duck and you would take us straight to the Hook a Duck. You didn’t. We did not ask you to repair it.”

The Sassy Princess blow me a kiss, and the pair of them went back upstairs.

I have kept the duck and washed it in the washing machine. It is a reminder to me that my children are not as they seem, and that I should never think  I am above Hook a Duck! 

Have you ever repaired something that you feel your children will love, only to find you care about it more than they do! Let me know.