Tale 19 - The concerns of a House Husband

 Tale 19 is basically a list of gripes! 

My house husband role has given me lots to complain about!

1 Why are toilet rolls sealed when you buy them. They are in a tight plastic packet! The Sassy Princess and The Prince of Tales use half a roll just unfastening it! They then use the rest of the roll on everything but what it’s made for. Half my budget goes on bog roll. Seething! 

2 Why do tomato ketchup and toothpaste have a silver foil top! I have no fingernails! Since I was a child I have bitten my nails. My mum once bought nasty nail varnish to try and stop me! Hardly likely too when I played in dog dirt and mud and my fingernails as a kid were always filthy. If dog poo in my nails did not stop me I doubt nasty varnish would! 

I end up biting off the silver foil and losing bits of tooth! Seething!

3 Why are Dish washer tabs in secure plastic wrapping. Again got to use my teeth. Mouth full of soap dust. Tastes like s**t. Seething! 

4 Why does long life milk have a ring pull. It’s stuck on like glue, and when you do pull it off the force needed means you lose half a pint. Seething!

5 Why are most jars impossible to open unless I stab the top of them with a knife like a mass murderer. Seething! 

6 Why do I know people (Big headed show offs) who can light a fire with one match! I need kindling wood, coal, a bottle of paraffin, 3000 matches and some firefighters! Costs me a grand per fire. Seething!

7 Why is getting a straw in a capri sun harder than the laws of physics! Fast Food restaurants are having a laugh giving them out in a drive through. Absolute carnage when you are wearing a white top and you get the blackcurrant capri sun! Seething! 

8 Vimto. Just why?? It tastes like worm powder. Worms were what most kids in the 70s got, including me! To cure it you got a powder from a sachet which was put in a glass and filled with water. Tasted like death aka vimto. Why would anyone chose it as a drink! Seething!  (PS Any child of the 70s who says they did not have worms are either posh, in denial, or suffered from an itchy arse but never investigated further!)

9 Why do we have  bottled soaps. I cannot work out how to make the dispenser work, and if i luckily work it out the soap squirts out at a ridiculous angle so that I have to be Freddie Flintoff to catch it. Why did a bar of soap go out of fashion. Seething! 

10 Why do I only spot green mould on bread when I am on my fourth slice of toast. Seething!

11 How the hell do you vacuum stairs. You can’t get in the corners! I don’t  care if you have Hoover Henry the corners are impossible! Seething!

12 Still on vacuums. Why does the wire drive me mad. It gets caught, tangled, then pulls the plug out. Lifting it up stairs is like an event in the Worlds Strongest Man! Wrapping the wire back up at the end is a nightmare. I dread vacuuming. Seething! 

13 What is it with kids and toothpaste! Does any paste actually go on the brush! The sink looks like it’s been coated in emulsion every morning! Seething! 

14 Why in my head is ‘Febreze’ the same as washing something. I douse everything in ‘Febreze.’ The smell makes me think house must be clean even though it’s a s**t hole! Seething that I’m stupid and easily conned! 

15 When I am in a hotel, a cleaner comes in to my room every day tidies my bed. He/she probably has 400 beds to do in a day and all are immaculate. Why then,  when I only have three to do, do my sheets have  more creases and bumps  than an elephants arse! Seething! 

16 Why do I get a kick out of bleach and the blue round circles that turn your toilet water blue! The bleach to me reminds me of a deep clean you used ribfet at school, and somehow blue water looks clean. I am sure I’m being conned. (There are now yellow circles that turn the water yellow? Is it just me, but surely brown and yellow are the last colours you want your toilet water to turn?) Seething!

17 Why,  when I  put a pair of socks in the washing machine, do I only get one back at the end of the cycle. Where do they go? Sock land? Seething!

18 When children get a new toy, why is the battery in the small compartment held in by the world’s tiniest screw! For a tiny screw you need a tiny screwdriver and good eyesight! (If only I’d kept the crap screwdriver kit from the Christmas cracker!) When I do manage to open the damn thing you can be sure the screw drops on the floor and the dog dashes to eat it! Seething! 

If any one can help me with my above concerns please let me know? Or do you have other gripes that get you seething! Let me know!