Tale 23 - Wembley or Bust!

As a PE teacher, I was very keen that children had the chance to go on trips. The social benefits alone are massive, and worth all the effort that is needed to organise them. Obviously sport was my love. As a youngster I rarely got to see live sport. I wanted children to have opportunities I never had.

So when I got the chance to take a group of students to Wembley to watch England play, you could imagine my excitement! The FA were doing a deal where children would be allowed to attend  an England game for 10 pounds. All I needed to do was organise a coach, staffing  and a risk assessment.

I managed to get the deal five times in the late 90s. Imagine, children in my care getting to visit the home of football and see their heroes play. The excitement of England scoring a goal in a packed stadium!

Surely It would be epic. 

Well it was, apart from the scoring a goal bit as you can see below from the four football internationals we attended!

1995 England 0-0 Uruguay 

1998 England 0-0 Saudi Arabia 

1999 England 0-0 Sweden 

2000 England 0-1 Germany (Last game at the old Wembley and right next to the Sheffield Wednesday band. My ears were bleeding by the end of the game!)

Four trips and not one England goal!

It was a running joke in school regarding when I was booking the next trip so staff could get to the bookies and bet on England firing blanks! 

However, my tale about my trip to Wembley to the Prince of Tales and the Sassy Princess is not about football. 

It was bigger than that.

I took them back to 1995, when I was offered tickets, again for £10, to watch ….wait for it - The  Rugby League World Cup Final!! 

Imagine giving children the chance to say they had witnessed the pinacle of a sport! 

I didn’t hesitate. I got the tickets. They sold like wildfire! I could have sold 500!

The only drawback is we had to book the tickets before the tournament, so we had no idea who would contest the final!  Imagine our excitement when weeks later, the final was confirmed!

England v Australia! 

I was taking a group of students to a World Cup Final, at Wembley, and England were in it!! 

Dream time!

The day of the match came.  The trips to Wembley on the coach were similar whatever the trip or fixture. Below you will see the typical 10 stages of the itinerary;

1 Meet at school. At least one child arriving late because dad slept in. 

2 All children had brought, as told on the letter, £10 maximum and a packed lunch. Some had used left over face paint from Halloween to put a St George flag on their face. Sadly, after six hours on a sweaty bus, they looked more like they had over done the sun bed when they arrived.

3 Children asked if they need toilet before we set off as school open. No one comes forward. Ten minutes later we get on M62 and have to stop at Hartshead Moor Services as half of coach need a wee. 

4 Some Smart Alec in Year 9 at back of bus decides to start an ‘Engerrlandd’ chant just as we leave the school drive. We are on this bus for ten hours at least, so that needs nipping in bud. 

Said child instantly moved from back of bus to sit next to the most boring teacher on the trip, usually Mr Sykes. Mr Sykes to tell said child his favourite ever Science experiments non stop for the next ten minutes.

When child at point of throwing him/herself off bus, he/she is given one more chance at back of bus. Rest of bus see this example and the torture Year 9 child  has been through. Singing now a mugs game. 

5 We stop at our scheduled visit at the Service Station in Leicester. Children spend all £10 allowance on sweets at Leicester. Children pay £10 for sweets they could have got for £2 at home. 

6 Coach stops at Watford Gap Services as at least ten children feeling sick. Too many sweets. Packed lunch thrown in bin as smell making them gip.

7 Children getting bored. All told first one to see the twin towers gets a prize! Silence ensues whilst children scour the surroundings. False claims ensue regarding various chimneys and cooling towers. Eventually, child in Year 7 near front of bus sees the twin towers. Mr Clarke rewards him with a shake of the hand and an autograph. Year 7 child begins to complain, until told by Mr Clarke only best behaved and kindest students on this trip will go on the next one. Silence ensues.

8 Arrive at Wembley. Children split into manageable groups of 10 with a member of staff. All children get to walk up Wembley way and then spend the extra secret  £10 Granny had given them. Most spend it at the souvenir shop on Scarves, shirts, giant foam hand, and flags that will be lost, left in the stadium, or dropped on way back to coach after game.

9 In the ground all savouring the atmosphere? No chance. Each child wants to go to the toilet at least three times. Than they smell the £7 hot dogs and £3 coke they could get at home for a £1! They are now starving as they threw away the packed lunch they brought when feeling sick from copious amounts of sweets earlier in the day. Out comes the extra extra secret £10 Auntie Ethel had given them and stale hot dog and coke purchased. Most of hot dog thrown and coke spilt on floor when passed round mates who want a ‘sip.’

10 The game begins! Thank the Lord!

The 1995 World Cup Final was a good game. We had fantastic seats right behind the back of the posts.

England were massive underdogs, but they took the game to the Aussies. England actually took the lead, but the Aussies were in front at half time. 

In the second half England kept fighting, and with ten minutes to go were still in the game! I looked round proudly. The children were transfixed. What memories I had given them, especially if England came back and won!

It was then it all went wrong!

A stunning lady with long blonde hair ran down the steps past our seats to the fencing that surrounds the ground. She had a blue shiny shell suit on. She climbed up the fence, turned to the crowd (Of which our school was the nearest) and took her top of, to reveal nothing but her bare breasts. She then climbed over the fence and ran topless across the pitch to the delight of the 60,000 plus crowd.

The children were in raptures. They could not believe it. All I could hear was talk of boobies and breasts.

England lost 16 - 8. I got back on the coach dejected, but the kids were elated. Seeing a pair of boobies in their eyes was far more important than World Cup glory. Boobs dominated the conversation all the way home.

When the children got home, parents and carers asked their darlings about the game. 

Responses

“Oh yes it was OK but a lady showing us her boobies was the best bit.”

“The game was good yes, but Mr Clarke got us tickets where we got to see a lady’s titties. They were wobbling all over when she ran past us.”

I explained to parents and carers who were looking shocked, that the lady did a topless streak which unluckily started in our stand (or luckily in the childrens’ eyes)

When everyone had gone, and the last child had been picked up, I reflected on the day. 

I had hoped the children would remember this day for ever. 

To be honest, I think they did, but not because of seeing a World Cup Final. No, it was more to do with seeing Jean from Bristol get her knockers out.

Even years later, I get children who attended the trip, now adults, reminding me of the ‘Titty Lady’ on the trip I organised to Wembley.

As I finished the tale, you can only imagine what the Sassy Princess and Prince of Tales made of this! 

The Sassy Princess was confused and had many questions;

1 Why did you think she was stunning?

2 How big were her boobies?

3 Why did she do it?

I answered question 3 with “For publicity” but did not answer questions 1 and 2 as felt this may get straight to The Dancing Queen and get me in trouble.

The Prince of Tales did not ask any questions. He just gave his thoughts.

“She was obviously drunk dad. That’s the sort of thing women do when they have had too much to drink! They like to flash them!”

As he has only seen the Dancing Queen and his Auntie drink , it  makes me think I need to question them both, as such behaviour has not happened in my company!

Have you ever organised something that has not quite turned out how you wanted? Let me know