Tale 25 - The Slippery Slope

 The Sassy Princess and the Prince of Tales do like to hear about misfortune that their older brother and sister may have met.

George, (or the Prince of Charms as we shall call him)  is thought of as charming by everyone he meets. Very hard working , keen to please and does not like letting anyone down, or getting anything wrong.

Hannah, (or the Gucci Princess as we shall now call her) has transformed from cute to beautiful with age. Very clever and kind,  and likes the finer things in life, as her name suggests. 

This tale took place in the first week of May 2008 (I can be very precise about the date as you will see as the story progresses!)

In those days, we did not go on foreign holidays. All our trips would be in the UK. This did cause concern to the Prince of Charms, who had friends telling him about their adventures on holiday at the ‘Water Parks.’

For anyone who does not know, a water park is full of very high slides, all with different levels of terror. As someone who has now been to several, it is basically a place of fear where you MUST go on all slides. Refusal to go any slide results in your children casting you as the family wimp.

There are several issues personally speaking;

1 If you are scared of heights like me, every trip up the steps to the array of slides is agony.

2 If you are a poor swimmer, the entry into the water is also a concern. At Carnegie college, there were 50 students in my year group. We were ranked on ability down the side of the pool 1 to 50. I was ranked 49. To put this in perspective, number 50 had duck armbands and a scooby doo floaty and the water was only 3 foot deep! 

3 If you don’t like water continually splashed in your face, then the whole event is pure torture. The plunge pool at the base of all the slides is ‘Splash City.’ When you fly into it off the slide you get splashed to death, and then as you try and get out, children enjoy splashing water in your face because they think it’s ‘FUN’. Chlorine in my already red stinging eyes I refuse to put in my ‘FUN’ category!

4 The slides have joining lines where the sections of the slide are put together. If you lay flat (as you are told to do) and your back goes over them, it’s like someone lashing you with a whip. Great if you like that sort of thing, but it does not float my boat!

So, water slides for a wimp with an aversion to heights, swimming, chlorine and whiplash is not the best day out. 

But, in 2008 I had never been to one and neither had the Prince of Charms.  That was the problem.

I decided to do a bit of research, and found that there were some water slides in my local area. One was very near us, at the Richard Dunn Sports Centre in Bradford. I rang them up and received details. Only one issue. 

You had to be 8 years old.

The Prince of Charms was 7, but would be 8 in less than a fortnight on May 11th.

The Prince of Charms did not like telling lies, or getting into trouble so I needed to hatch a plan.

I approached the Prince Of Charms about a week before the planned visit.

“I have booked a local water park!” I said.

“Wow” said the Prince of Charms, “Are we going abroad?”

“No!” I said, “There is one in Bradford we can go to next Saturday. There is only one issue, you have to be 8.”

“But I’m 7 so I can’t go as it would be lying, and I don’t want to get into trouble!”

Quick thinking needed

“Ah yes” I said, “But you are in your 8th year, so that’s really the same as being 8” I lied.

“So I say I’m in my 8th year?” The Prince of Charms asked.

“No, just say your 8, it’s easier.”

Every day that week I questioned him, ready for the big day.

“How old are you!” I asked 

“I’m in my year 8”he initially replied.

“No, no, no. Just say I am 8!” I urged.

“Ok. I am 8!” He replied.

Brilliant. Every night I asked. Every night I got the ‘I am 8’ response.

We were ready!

The night before the big day, the Gucci Princess (who was 4) asked if she could come.

“Of course, but you and I will have to play in the baby pool.” I said.

“Yayyyy” was her reply.

It was the big day. We marched up the long entrance section to the admission area. 

We joined the queue.

The queue moved slowly, but eventually it was our turn.

“One adult swim, one infant swim and a child swim with slides please!” I confidently stated to the attendent, who looked like he was on work experience. 

“How old is your son Sir?” He enquired.

“He is 8 aren’t you?” I said, looking directly at the Prince of Charms.

Like a child taught in true parrot fashion, he replied;

“Yes, I am 8!”

I gushed with pride. He had not fluffed his lines.

Then it happened. A little voice piped up;

“He is not 8, he is 7!”

They key here, is if you’re telling lies, make sure even the toddlers are in on the act.

“He is not 8 until next week and he is having a party with jammy cake and candles.” continued the Gucci Princess.

Before I could retake control, work experience asked the Prince of Charms;

“Are you only 7?”

“Yes!“ Was his response. It had took a week to brainwash him to tell the first lie, so getting him to think craftily on his feet was never going to happen.

“Sorry Mr, you will have to take him in the toddler pool.” He instructed us.

So the Gucci Princess, The Prince of Charms and I played with plastic buckets and cut out plastic crabs and shells for an hour in one foot of cold water. To add insult to injury, we could see the slides and the large amount of fun the youngsters were enjoying.

At the end of the story, I turned to the Prince of Tales. 

“What do you think of the Gucci Princess? I asked.

“She was only being honest!” he replied.

“Yes” I said, “But what If the Sassy Princess did that to you?” I asked.

His mood changed. “ That would be different. She is mean and nasty and would just do it to stop my fun!” He snarled.

Can anything beat the love you feel for your nearest age sibling! 

Have you ever told a white lie about someone’s age and come a cropper! 

What are your thoughts on Water Parks?

Let me know!