Tale 26 - Marching On (but not) Together

 On the way to school, the Sassy Princess and The Prince of Tales were using the word ‘Dufus’ when insulting each other.

“What’s a ‘Dufus?’ I asked.

“A complete idiot!” They responded in unison.

This got them thinking. “Have you ever been made to look a ‘Dufus’ as a teacher?” They asked.

I wanted to say never, as I felt was was always one step ahead of any potential ‘witty’ student who tried to ‘burn’ me, as the the Sassy Princess would say.

However, in truth, I was once done over like a kipper!

Firstly, you need some background.

Over my years as a teacher, I took many teams in various sports.  I was very lucky to have many talented students who won trophies and medals in many different sports.

In truth though, football was the sport I had most success in. I had very high participation levels in after school and lunchtime practices, and this led to a lot of success. I had an FA Coaching badge and lots of playing experience which obviously helped.

In my first school, I took every football team. As my commitments increased, I had to take less. It was still very unusual though for a Deputy Headteacher to take teams and organise the Year 7 School Camp! I did it though because I loved it.

In around 2008, I was taking the football teams in Key Stage 4 (Year 10 and 11)

They had great success, winning the cup and the league. The players in the team were desperate to continue playing football in the 6th form.

Of all the teams I ever took, this lot had a thirst for football more than any other. They were not the most talented I ever took, but their attitude, humour and commitment was beyond any team I took before or after.

I set up a Sixth Form Football Academy. The first training session saw 40 students attend, which was amazing for a school sixth form. We played on a Wednesday afternoons and had great success, winning the local cup, and more amazingly the Northern Merit League.

The Northern Merit League was open to all schools in West Yorkshire. It was always won by Greenhead College. They were a very popular educational establishment  in Huddersfield just for sixth formers. They had hundreds of players to choose from and had four teams. One team played in the National Colleges league.

We were the first school sixth form to win the league for years, so this sent a few shock waves around West Yorkshire Schools.

My reputation regarding football coaching after such success was very high. 

I could not believe what happened next!

I received a text one afternoon from the youth development officer at Leeds United (The club I supported all my life) I had been asked in the past to take a team at Halifax Town, but this was Leeds United!

The text said my success had been noted, and would I be interested in taking the Under 16 team.

Wow! 

I was speechless.

When I got home I spoke to my family. This was an amazing opportunity.

However, money had not been discussed, and I was guessing it would be less than a Deputy Headteacher would earn p. I thought maybe I could do it part time, but with all my other commitments it realistically would not be possible.

With a heavy heart, I text Leeds United back to say thank you for their interest, but I would not be able to consider their approach.

I told everyone about the offer, friends, colleagues, family. Even though ultimately disappointing, it was still a tremendous accolade from the team I loved!

The next day I was taking the sixth form football team for training.

The goalkeeper in the team was a lad called Ben. He was noted for his running style, but was also very bright and very quick witted.

“I hear Leeds United have been in touch?” Enquired Ben, followed by a few sniggers from team mates.

“Yes” I said, thinking in my head how amazing it was the news had even got to my own school team!

“Your favourite team too. Gutting.” said Ben, again a few sniggers from team mates.

“Yes” I said. “I love Leeds as you know.”

“Very rare for Youth Development Officers to offer jobs without an interview!” replied Ben.

It was then that I started to smell a rat! The use of the phrase ‘Youth Development Officer’ suggested Ben knew a lot of information about my offer!

“I hear you turned it down! Those damn work commitments!” He continued.

I definitely now smelt a rat! How could he know that! 

It was then I got that horrible feeling I had been set up. 

One of those moments that are brilliant when you’re in on it and it is someone else! 

He had obviously got my number off some fellow git and text me!

The team obviously all knew as well as loud belly laughs were now starting to be heard!

I tried to make the best of it! 

My feeble response?

“I knew it was a hoax. That’s why I turned it down you wallies!”

I don’t think anyone fell for it. 

A weak man would want immediate revenge. 

I put the balls back in the bag and did a running and stamina session for an hour. 

They needed to pay! 

I must have told a hundred plus people about the approach. For sure, I did not ring them all to inform them it was an hoax and I was a gullible arse.

The Sassy Princess was aghast! 

“You thought Leeds United wanted you because your school team was good ?” she smirked.

When said like that it brought home ‘What a Dufus’ I was. 

I responded by telling her were Leeds were not as good then, and were making some strange decisions! 

As usual, the Prince of Tales considered his response before speaking;

“ I would have kicked him out of school dad. He lied to you, stole your phone number and tried to undermine you!”

Bit harsh I thought, but maybe he has a point!

Then I thought about the number of times I laughed at Ben’s running style.

I don’t think he had knee joints. He ran like a clown in big shoes. Like I would expect Ronald McDonald to run if he was chasing a kid who’d pinched one of his burgers! 

Sometimes you reap what you sow!

I turned to the Prince of Tales

“To be fair it was probably quits” I suggested.

To end the tale, I do need to clarify something. Ben was one of the most memorable students I ever taught. Always keen to have a laugh. A great kid and young man.

Have you ever been done like a kipper? Maybe an April Fools Day prank? Let me know!