Tale 27 - Dear Sir

A few weeks back, the Prince of Tales forgot to put his PE kit in his bag so had no shorts for his lesson. I told him he may have to do PE in his trousers.

It got me thinking of the excuses I received as a teacher from students trying to get out of PE.

The response, if a student had no kit was always the same.

“Get some out of the PE Box!”

Definition of the PE Box

Lost property clothing that was never claimed and very rarely washed. Often smelly and stained. Very much a last resort! 

To start, a couple of very common excuses to get the ball rolling;

Excuse 1 

Wayne  - “Sir, I forgot my PE kit.”

Mr Clarke - “Get some out of the PE Box!”

Excuse 2

Jordan -  “Sir, my PE kit is in the wash.”

Mr Clarke - “Get some out of the PE Box!”

You get the idea? If you have not got your kit, you still have to do PE! Yet children still tried the elaborate excuses, even though the PE box would always be the solution! 

Now for the best excuses I got! Names protected to spare the plonkers involved!

Excuse 3 

Jason - “The dog gave birth to puppies and used my PE kit as a birthing blanket.”

Mr Clarke - “Get some out of the PE Box!”

Excuse 4

Jason (yes, same boy again!) “The dog did a poo on my PE kit!”

Mr Clarke - “Get some out of the PE Box!”

Excuse 5

Jason (yes, you know it’s him!) “The dog ate my PE kit.”

Mr Clarke  - “Get some out of the PE Box!”

After 3 ‘dog’ related excuses in a term, I rang home. Mum informed me that Jason had a goldfish in his room, but no other pets. When I confronted Jason with this, he informed me that at no stage did he say he was the owner of said dog!

Excuse 6

Harry “My brother had an upset tummy yesterday and had an accident in his pants. Unfortunately he was wearing my PE kit.”

Mr Clarke - “Get some out of the PE Box!”

Excuse 7

Reece “I donated my PE kit to Children in Need as it was very sad when I saw the children in Africa starving.”

Mr Clarke - “Get some out of the PE Box!”

Excuse 8

Asif - “I was so excited about having PE first lesson today that I slept in my PE kit. Unfortunately I wet myself in bed so had to put my kit in the wash.”

Mr Clarke - “Get some out of the PE Box!”

Excuse 9

Ryan -  “Unfortunately our house was burgled last night and the thieves stole my PE kit!”

Mr Clarke - “Get some out of the PE Box!”

Excuse 10 (My favourite)

Arron “My friend threw my bag up in the air as we were walking to school this morning  and it’s now swinging from a branch of a tree on Natty Lane. The bag also contains my lunch and my Monster Munch (Pickled Onion flavour).”

Mr Clarke - “Get some out of the PE Box!”

The above 10 were verbal excuses about having no kit, but nothing beats a forged note. The aim of a forged note is to try to suggest you are not able physically or mentally to participate, so the PE Box is not the answer. 

However, with my favourite letters below, the PE Box was the answer as well as detention for attempted fraud! 

Letter A

Dear Mr Clarke,

Lee can’t do PE today as he has bad legs 

Thank you kind Sir.

The signature ? - signed by  ‘My mum.’

Letter B

Dear Mr Clarke,

Jake can’t do Gymnastics lesson 3 as his toe hurts, but he can do football after school as he will be better by then.

Mrs Shaw

Letter C

Dear Mr Clarke, 

Can Zain miss Cross Country today. 

I will do it next week he promises.

Mrs Khan.

Dear Mr Clarke,

Can Josef be excused from Fitness Circuits today as he is fasting. He decided to become a Muslim last night.

Thanks to you

Mr Wright

I phoned Mr Wright He informed he did not write the letter. His son is not religious, but his good friend Hammad, who is in his form, is a Muslim who is fasting at the moment.

Letter E 

Dear Mr Clarke,

Please can Callum be excused from PE today as his grandad died last night and he is very, very upset.

Thank you 

Mrs Cooke 

Only a heartless PE teacher would ignore this request. Or one that had received the same letter about two months earlier. 

I rang Mrs Cooke. She informed me Grandad was very well. He lived in Cleckheaton and had a part time job at B&Q in Dewsbury!

What is the worst excuse you have ever given for missing a PE lesson! Come on, be honest.