Tale 31 - The Tunnel of Tom Tit

 The Sassy Princess and the Prince of Tales love a ‘poo’ story. Most children do! 

This one is right up there!

At one of the camps I ran, there was an old swimming pool.  It had not been used for many years, so the Scout Camp who owned it ingeniously turned it into a caving area. They put a roof on the pool and created tunnels you could enter via the old pool steps that were in every corner.

The ‘Pool Cave’ was not popular with everyone. Taller and larger students and staff could often feel claustrophobic, and this, coupled with the darkness inside the tunnels, created fear for some.

We never forced any student to do the Pool Tunnel. It was explained to them what was involved, and then each child decided for themselves.

One year, we had a nervous child who was not sure about doing the activity. After explanation, he decided he wanted to give it a go! He went to the steps and slowly climbed down. He then stopped!

Was he having second thoughts? 

No! 

One big breath and he disappeared down the steps to the tunnels. There was silence for a few seconds. Other children disappeared down their steps section.

“Are you ok?” shouted Miss.

“Yes!“ shouted the boy. 

A few seconds later he added, “I’m just going through the muddy bit!”

This was unusual. There were no muddy bits as far as we knew. Maybe rainfall and some silt had caused a pile up of dirt?

A few minutes later he climbed out of the tunnel. His front was covered where he had been crawling in what indeed looked like brown mud.

When he got nearer and we could smell him, we realised it was not mud!

Another child, then another child popped out of the tunnels. All of them covered in the same substance and smelling like the local muck spreader.

It was an horrific scene.

The realisation of what they were covered in hit the the children when they were in the daylight and the smell wafted to their nostrils! 

Trigger loud shrieks! 

“I’m covered in poo” screamed one girl. 

“This is not mud it’s sh***!” Confirmed another.

We quickly ushered them away and got them into the shower area, fumigating their clothes. 

After a staff discussion, we deduced that one of the previous group, we presume with an upset tummy, decided to relieve themselves in the tunnel in an emergency! They then decided to tell no one in the hope no one would notice.

They did notice, and from the number of children who were covered in it, it was a big job! 

We now had a problem. We knew which group the child was in, and it was possible they were ill. However, they were not likely to admit they had crapped in the tunnel, unless they wanted to be camp famous forever! 

We asked if anyone was poorly to come and see us in secrecy. No one came. 

We never knew who the Phantom Crapper was, although we had our suspicions. What is for sure is that he or she certainly left their mark. We told the children a fox must have gone in the tunnels and done its business.

The ‘Pool Cave’ was shut for the week. A year later, a new caving area had been created. The ‘Phantom Crapper’ had made sure the ‘Pool Cave’ was history! 

When I told this story to the Sassy Princess, she just looked with disgust, pulled a face but said nothing.

The Prince of Tales had a solution though.

“I would have told all the group involved to pull their pants or knickers down and show you their underpants and knickers. Anyone with skid marks is likely to be your Phantom Crapper!”

Genius! 

I think his idea may have worked. However, on a safeguarding note, I think if I had followed through with his idea to get children to drop their pants and knickers, I would now be doing time at Her Majesty’s pleasure, as well as having my name on many a list! 

Have you ever had an adventure that ended in disaster! Maybe a ‘poo’ disaster! Let me know!