Tale 33 - Wash ‘n’ Go

The other day, I told off the Sassy Princess and The Prince of Tales for moving my Pound shop spectacles. The Sassy Princess smirked as I reprimanded her. That riled me even further!

“How dare you be so rude!” I firmly told her.

“Your glasses are on your head you silly old man!” She scoffed.

The Sassy Princess likes to call me a ‘Silly old man.’ To be fair she had a point, and I felt guilty, so I apologised.

“Have you ever told someone off at school and felt guilty?” She asked.

And the next tale of Year 7 camp began.

As well as being the Head of PE at Holy Trinity, I also spent a couple of years as a Head of Year. My year group were brilliant. I did not do one fixed term suspension/exclusion in my whole time in the role. The students were that good! 

I was really looking forward to taking them to camp.

At Harlech camp, there were obviously different rules to school. The main ones were regarding running around tents. The reason for this is tripping over guide ropes is not only painful, but it can also damage and rip the expensive tents. The school had to foot the bill for any damage, so any behaviour that damaged a child or a tent had to be dealt with!

To sort this out quickly I introduced ‘Wash n Go.’

What is ‘Wash n Go’? It is very simple!

• At Harlech, we had a minibus to take children on various different trips. 
• At the start of camp, it was explained that children who were caught running around the tents would ‘wash’ the minibus. 
• If they did it again, (second time) they would ‘Go’ home in the minibus. 

Many children washed the bus. Not as many offended for a second time to progress to the ‘GO’ status. 

If they did, I would tell the children who had offended for a second time  that their belongings would be packed by their friends and brought home at the end of the camp. I then put them on the minibus and drove to the bottom of the road. I then stopped, looked at the sad faces, and told them as they were usually good they could have one more chance! But that was it!

No one ever offended for a third time.

Relieved children returned to camp and did not even tip toe around tents, never mind run. All other children saw their return and news quickly got round that running around the tents was not an option. 

Wash ‘n’ Go worked and we never got fined for damage to tents!

As usual, at the start of this particular camp, the rules of camp were explained. I had no fears. Behaviour would be perfect. This was my year group after all, they were superb and would not dare break the rules!

Or were they braver and naughtier than I thought?

On the first day, twelve boys were running at full sprint in and out of all the tents. I was very surprised, and was sure they must have just forgot the rules in the excitement.

“Come here you half wits!” I shouted.

The twelve boys trudged over.

“You have broken one of the key rules of camp. Here is a sponge each. I will bring hot soapy water over. Go to the minibus and make sure it’s sparkling. I want to see my face in in the bodywork. You are now on the WASH stage. You now only have one more chance! ”

The twelve half wits trudged over and started to clean. I was very confident this would end the matter. This lot were angels. One warning would sort them. 

(By the way, if you are wondering if they did a good job, have a reality check! The minibus was dirtier with streaks everywhere than when they started. Any parent or carer who has given this task to their child will know exactly what I mean. Half a job Harry’s and Harriet’s!!)

I inspected the minibus (awful as usual) but they had washed the vehicle for twenty minutes. Punishment done, objective achieved surely?

All quiet for the rest of the day. Normality resumed…I thought.

The next day, a girl came to see me to say some boys were running around her tent. I marched over, and to my shock the same group of boys were running around the tents. I could not believe it! There must have been a personality transplant prior to camp in each one of them, from Jekyll to Hyde!

What was for sure was that they definitely needed the ‘Go’ stage.

“Right you lot, line up by the minibus!” I barked. “Mr Sykes, can some of your group pack up their things and we will return them to their parents/carers when we return at the end of the week!” This was said audibly with a big wink in Mr Sykes direction only!

I put the newly found naughty boys on the minibus and got in the drivers seat. I turned around to face them all for the standard teacher  ‘Think of all the people you have let down speech.’

“You have let me down. You have let the school down. You have let your year group down. You have let your parents and carers down. But most of all you have let yourselves down!” 

This was said quietly with my ‘Oscar winning’ disappointed face.

After the Churchillian speech, I stared at each one of them for maximum effect, and then I turned round and started the engine. I drove about ten yards of my planned 500 yard round trip.

It was then it started. A strange wailing sound. 

I looked in my mirror. The group visibly started to return back to Mr Hyde before my eyes, as their actions and believed consequences started to hit home.

I was confronted with tears. Not one set of tears but tears everywhere. It was like a wake! There was a domino effect around the minibus! One tearful boy set the next one off and so on.

“Sir, my dad will kill me. He will physically kill me” one wailed.

I knew his dad. He would not be happy if this was real, but death? I don’t think so!

It was obvious that there was immediate regret. I had to abort the 500 yard trip now. I was in danger of drowning in tears and being deafened by wailing! It was like being in Home Bargains at Halloween when children press all the buttons on the spooky animated toys at once.

I asked for calm When it was quiet again, I spoke to them all.

“Right! I will give you one more chance. But this is a final warning! One more and it’s 100% Go!”

The ‘crawling’ or ‘greasing’ that followed was commendable.

Thank you Sir. 

You’re the best Sir.

Best teacher ever is Mr Clarke.

My favourite teacher.

Top man.

Trinity Legend.

Very nice, but pretty sure I was showered with love due to the relief rather than real affection!  

Looking back, I could have made a fortune. I am pretty sure I could have got the lot of them to pay me their first ten years of wages when adults in exchange for not taking them home. I could now be living in the Seychelles with monthly transfers dropping into my account.

We turned round and travelled the ten yards back to camp.

Eyes were wiped as the twelve boys dismounted from the minibus.

Ten minutes later you would have thought nothing had happened. 

All of them happy and playing with friends! NOT by the tents though. The boys decided, and were keen to tell me, that they would not to even go near the tents unless it was bedtime!

Twenty five years later, I sometimes see the same lads in town (They have grown from superb youngsters to superb young men in their 30s) they love to talk about ‘Wash n Go’, and their experience as rebels! 

The Sassy Princess did not get it.

“But they paid for the tents, so no problem if they are damaged?”

“Yes it is a problem, we rent the tents, not buy them?” I responded.

She looked confused, but our financial discussion was interrupted by the Prince of Tales. 

“I would not have cried” he said confidently.

“Why?” I asked.

“You always make big threats. Santas not coming, no birthday presents, you will miss the local fair when it comes. It never happens!” 

All threat no action. Quite clearly, I am a more believable disciplinarian as a teacher then a dad!

Have you ever made a big threat! Did you carry it out, or use it to your advantage! Let me know.