Tale 34 - Home Alone

 

Over the Christmas period, I sit down with the family to watch a selection of festive movies. A particular favourite on Christmas Eve is ‘Home Alone.’

Last Christmas whilst watching the film, the Sassy Princess turned to me and asked “Could this happen in real life?”

You would think not, but I know different! 

When I started teaching, I had a fabulous role model. Let’s call her the Duchess of Harlech to protect her identity. She instilled into me that teaching was more than just lessons, and was about giving children opportunities and the chance to succeed. She was an excellent and outstanding teacher.

She did however have two flaws. She was both accident prone and forgetful.

For example 

• Whilst trying to erect a post in a netball lesson, she dropped it on her head and knocked herself unconscious in front of the class. 
• She gave herself a badly bruised nose and a black eye when she trod on a rake in the PE storeroom.
• Whilst driving the minibus, she was concerned when it started shaking and then came to a halt. She contacted me. I asked if it had run out of petrol? She was adamant it had not, as she had been to the petrol station that day. The RAC were contacted for roadside assistance. The RAC turned up and found the minibus had ran out of petrol. Works out the Duchess did go to the petrol station, entered the station shop and bought a Curlywurly, then got back in the minibus and drove off, forgetting the main purpose of the stop!

But perhaps her greatest moment came whilst on Harlech camp when her group visited the Criccieth Rabbit Farm. 

The Rabbit Farm was one of the most popular trips. The children got to hold and cuddle a variety of animals. Criccieth was a good ten miles from Harlech, so I would drop off the children and their staff leader at Criccieth at 11am and pick them up at about 4pm to take them back to camp.

On this occasion as I drove to the Rabbit Farm to pick the children up, I saw the Duchess of Harlech with her group about to go into a shop in Criccieth a few hundred yards from the farm. I slowed down to speak to her.

“Hi, how come you’re at the shop?” I asked.

“The children wanted to come to the shop so we left five minutes early to come down here. Only problem is that Sarah in 7B has left her bag at the Rabbit Farm. Can you go and get it and meet us back here?”

I nodded and drove up the hill to the Rabbit Farm whilst the Duchess and her group enjoyed their shopping. When I got to the farm, Farmer Jones  was waiting for me by the gate.

“Forgot something have you Mr Clarke?” He asked as I got out of the minibus.

“Yes. I’ve come back up to grab it. Have you got it and I’ll throw it in the back.”

The farmer looked very concerned. “Sounds a bit rough!” He said.

“The rucksacks are tough the kids have these days” I laughed “Much more robust than in our day!” 

“I’m not talking about a bag. You’ve left a child!”

He pointed to a little girl who was having the time of her life, surrounded by baby rabbits and Guinea pigs.

“I thought you must have come back to get her!“ He exclaimed.

I laughed, but my head was working overtime thinking ‘Do I admit the Duchess forgot the child, making us both look like total arses, or do I cover it up’?

You know the answer

“Ha ha. Got you Farmer Jones! We knew straight away. The child must have gone to the toilet without us knowing. That’s why I’m here! Just thought I’d pull your leg!”

“Oh good one” Farmer Jones laughed “ I could have sworn you were totally oblivious!” 

“Not at all! And by the way, have you found a bag?” I chortled.

I got the child and bag in the minibus and went to pick up the Duchess of Harlech and her group. When we got to the shop, the Duchess, as good teachers do, counted them onto the bus.

“I’ve lost one!” She said, looking baffled. “ I must have left one in the shop!” 

“You left one at the bloody Rabbit Farm you halfwit!” I exclaimed. “You just set me up to look like the biggest arse in Wales. I’m asking the farmer about a ruddy bag when you have left a child!”

As everyone who takes groups of children on trips know, you are continually doing head counts. To this day, the Duchess of Harlech  swears she counted up the children as they left the farm. We think she maybe counted one of the below as part of her group;

• A child from another school.
• A small adult.
• A rabbit, Guinea pig or a donkeys arse. 

However, it does show that the plot of  ‘Home Alone’ is not as impossible as it seems.

The Prince of Tales and Sassy Princess just stared at me. A stare that suggested a ‘Home Alone’ situation only happens to a special kind of stupid.

Have you ever thought you had your child with you but it was in fact someone else? Perhaps at the supermarket or a football match? Let me know!