Tale 39 - Murder he wrote

 Watching or listening to the BBC News at the moment is not much fun. There are not many happy stories about, so I try and be careful when the children are in the car and the news comes on!

The Prince of Tales often has questions. One came up this week.

“Have you ever been a witness in a big crime?” He asked.

“No” I replied.

The Prince of Tales sighed.

“Unless you include the ‘Gun incident’!” I added.

The children both gasped. “Tell us!” 

And the next tale began!

In the mid 1990s, I bought a beautiful cottage in the countryside. It was my first house, two up, two down, and I loved it. The back of the property backed onto a field where horses roamed. It was idyllic.

I was about 25 at the time. Many children from the school I worked at lived near me. Halloween was a nightmare as I was easy pickings. I needed to spend most of my  wages on sweets to feed all the spooky visitors! 

It was a very quiet place until the area was rocked by a major police incident. A man had been shot dead in a pub about half a mile up the hill from my cottage. Police interviewed local residents, and their presence was very visible in the local area. Nothing like this had ever happened in the locality before.

I was interviewed but could offer no information. I had never been to the pub and saw nothing on the day of the incident.

A few days after the shooting, I returned to my house after a visit to the supermarket. As I opened the door, I felt something behind the door as I pushed it open.

When I looked behind the door I saw something wrapped in white paper. I unwrapped the paper, and to my horror found it contained a gun! I dropped the gun and packaging to the floor.

I froze. My head was racing!

‘Was this the gun from the pub killing?’

‘Should I touch it - it may have fingerprints?’

‘Why would someone post it through my door?’

‘If I tell the police and it has my fingerprints on it, will I be a suspect?’

‘Is the actual gunman watching my house now?’

I crept to the window and looked outside. I could not see anyone ‘stalking’’me! I let out a sigh of relief, which quickly turned to a ‘shriek’ when someone knocked on the door.

I quietly walked to the door. 

It was knocked on again, harder! 

“Who is it?” I asked.

“I have a message for you!” The visitor replied.

I opened he door to find it was a message from ‘God’ from the local Jehovah’s Witness group. I told them was a Roman Catholic and a bit busy and closed the door.

I needed to think. What should I do? There was only one answer - to contact the police! 

I walked slowly to my phone and dialled 999. I told them what I had found. They told me to stay in and an officer would be around to see me shortly.

I put the phone down. 

I looked at the gun. 

What the hell was going on, and why my house!

I looked at my phone and saw that the ‘Answerphone’ light was flashing. Someone must have called me whilst I was phoning the police and left a message! 

Again I froze. I waited a minute or so to gather my thoughts, then I pressed the button.

“You have one new message. Message 1” said the machine. 

I could feel my body shaking. The tension was electrifying!

Then the message started; 

“Hi Richard, it’s the Duchess of Harlech.” 

(Remember her!, PE teacher at my school from the Home Alone story!)  

“I have posted the starter gun for Sports Day through your letterbox. It’s wrapped in paper. Brooksbank School asked to borrow it last year so I loaned it out and they have just returned it. Have a nice day!”

I immediately rang the police to explain that I had confused a murder weapon for a Sports Day starter gun that had been posted through my door. 

They were not impressed, and for a while I don’t think they believed me. I had to answer several questions;

Why would someone post a starter gun after a recent shooting in the area?

Why didn’t I know it was a starter gun?

Had I spoken to anyone since I contacted them initially about the gun?

I think they maybe thought I had been ‘harassed’ by someone to change my story, or I was more involved in the shooting than I was admitting to! 

When I put the phone down I was sure the police would visit.

To my relief further investigations must have taken them away from me. I think they settled for the fact I was more likely the village idiot than village murderer.

When I confronted the Duchess of Harlech about it, she looked at me, grinned, shrugged her shoulders and just said;

“Sorry, I never thought posting the gun would be a problem!”

The Prince of Tales and the Sassy Princess were, for once, in unison!

“Was sports day the next day?” They asked.

“No” I replied.

“So she could have brought it in to school later on in the week, or pinned a note to your door that she had posted something , or hidden it in garden and left a phone message?”

“Yes” I replied.

“She is funny!” They both laughed. 

I grinned. Not the phrase I would have used!