Tale 48 - The Corned Beef Sandwich Brigade!

 On Spotify, I have the song ‘Marching on Together’, the Leeds United anthem. 

The Prince of Tales and the Sassy Princess now know it off by heart and are both Leeds fans . The Gucci Princess I have also brainwashed to follow Leeds. This was necessary as I did not try hard enough with my eldest son, the Prince of Charms, who Is sadly a Chelsea fan and thus the runt of the the family.

When Leeds defeated Chelsea this season it was the first time we had beat them since he was born in the year 2000! A long long time to wait to give him some grief! 

Leeds United have always been special to me. However, I don’t think I will ever be as dedicated as I was between 1985 - 1987,  when I had a season ticket and also attended nearly every away game. My life revolved around Leeds.

It was a strange time to be a Leeds fan. I was football mad, but a part of the Leeds following, especially away from home, were more interested in fighting than football. It was the era of the football hooligan. I saw many riots - Grimsby, Bradford and especially Birmingham. There was fighting at every away game. 

If my parents and grandma had known the full extent of the danger they would never have let me go. I lied and said it was safe - I loved football too much to miss it.

I hated the hooligan element as they had very little interest in the football. It got so bad at one stage that there was a threat all Leeds fans would be banned from away games, which I was furious about. I was relieved when the Football League said they had a plan which would avoid banning away support! 

They decided that teams with the worst hooligan elements they would keep away from each other. 

The plan was simple. 

Millwall (South London) and Leeds(West Yorkshire)  were the worst offenders. It was decided that both these teams would play their home games at the same time and play away games again at the same time but at opposite ends of the country.

Sounds perfect. However, they forgot one thing!

Leicester Forest Service Station.

I saved all my money for away trips. This meant I had little spare money, so my grandma did me a packed lunch.

It was no ‘meal deal!’ 

Two corned beef sandwiches that looked like they were on the turn, an apple and a carton of orange that was orange only in colour.

Same set up every away game!

First game of the season. We are away down South, and Millwall are up North.

I travelled with the ‘Wallace Arnold’ Bradford branch of the Leeds United Supporters Club - first game and expectations were high - the coach was bouncing!

On trips to London, we always stopped southbound (going) and northbound (coming back) at Leicester Forest Service Station on the M1.

Everyone got off at the Services, even the driver. 

That was everyone, except me! I stopped on the coach as I had no money! 

So while everyone else is in Leicester Forest, I am on the coach tucking into my delicious corned beef sandwiches!

I sat on the bus with with my white, blue and yellow Leeds scarf wrapped proudly around my neck.

Just as I was about to have my first bite, I heard a banging at the door. I looked outside to see a large group of Millwall fans trying to break into the bus! 

(What the Football League had not realised was that Leicester Forest was the midpoint for Millwall fans  going North, and Leeds fans going South. All that was needed for a riot was a trip over the bridge to where their rivals would be waiting for them!)

The Millwall fans kept banging at the door. They then got what looked like a jemmy and prised the door open. They got on the coach and saw me. The Millwall fan at the front of the group was holding a pen knife.

He greeted me with “Come on then you f***** Leeds scum.”

I had to make a quick choice. Should I;

1 Take on the armed Millwall fans, about twenty of them, on my own.

2 Offer them my corned beef sandwiches in exchange for my life.

3 Run like mad to the back door emergency exit and try and escape.

Let’s get serious! 

I darted to the emergency exit, opened the door, and ran like I have never ran before! I darted through the car park chased by 20 Millwall nutters. I ran into the services and up the steps to the bridge that takes you across the motorway. My main issue was zig zagging through other people that were in the services. This was allowing the Millwall Fans to catch me as they soon moved when the marauding psychotic Millwall fans ran at them!

As I ran across the bridge, I could see a crowd coming towards me. To my relief they were Leeds hooligans and not more Millwall!

“Look lads, Millwall chasing Leeds. Let’s have ‘em!”

I ran through the Leeds fans, and both groups met for a fight in the middle of the bridge! It was absolute carnage, and the sound of police sirens could be heard approaching down the motorway.

I ran down the steps so I was now in the northbound services. I looked back. 

I was safe. 

The fight was now on the middle of the bridge and the Millwall fans had lost interest in me. 

To my amazement, I had still had in my hand a third of my corned beef sandwich which I was gripping in pure terror!

A group of police officers ran up the stairs and the hooligans dispersed. A few arrests were made, but the bulk got away.

I trudged back over the bridge back to my coach. 

The coach was still empty, and the door wide open from where the Millwall fans had prised it open. I closed it and went back to my seat. I was still shaking, but felt I could now breathe a sigh of relief.

A couple of minutes later, the driver got back on. He looked at me.

“You missed it all the excitement sunshine. Fighting in lumps in the Services they were. You made a good choice staying on the coach!” 

I smiled, and toasted him with my carton of orange coloured water!

That week the police announced they would be increasing their presence in Service Stations on a Saturday afternoon as it was a possible risk area for football hooligans. 

No **** Sherlock!

The Prince of Tales listened to my story intently.

“I like that story, as corned beef sandwiches saved your life!”

His response mystified me?

“Why?” I asked.

“Well, if you had been rich, you would have been in the Services. As you were wearing a Leeds scarf, some hooligan from Millwall could have approached and attacked you easily without you knowing. Even though it was frightening on the bus, you had chance to escape. In some ways, a corned beef sandwich stopped you get a beating, maybe saved your life.”

I’m not sure that’s how it would have panned out, but it gives an extra spin to the story, being the man who’s life was saved by a corned beef sandwich!

Have you ever been in a difficult situation but saved the day with quick thinking? Let me know!